Men: Take These Pills And Get Laid!

by Janis Cortese


I'm sorry, but what the hell is the brouhaha over Viagra and Propecia?

Now, I'm prepared to admit that the first has some applications, so I'm not going to make jokes about it. (If you want them, go to the men's skin sites; men love jokes like that.)

But is anyone else experiencing cognitive dissonance over the way that these pills have been promoted? As Judge Judy said, seems like a lot of furor because a few guys are having a little trouble. Not medical impotence -- not nerve damage or anything like that. Just a few guys who were stressed or tired or nervous and went limp.

Hell, gimme a pill! Don't make me think about whether or not I'm really happy in my marriage, don't make me question my sexuality, don't make me have to think about whether or not I'm miserable in my job -- just give me a pill! Because if I go soft from stress, or I'm really nervous, or because my marriage is unhappy, the problem isn't my job or my marriage or the way sex is presented for men, it's my dick! And even if my marriage or my job or my lingering doubts about my supposed heterosexuality or my lingering nervousness about sex are making me go soft, I won't have a problem if I can just get hard.

Disconnect my dick from my heart, please, Doctor. Make it so that what's going on in my mind won't affect what happens in my bed. Give me this new pill so that I can . . .

. . . have sex even if I don't really want to.

. . . have sex even without looking into myself and learning a thing about what makes me tick.

. . . be happy without having to become happy.

Like I said, I'm not talking about the Real Thing, here. Medical impotence. I'm talking about the reason that far more men are asking doctors for this pill that actually need it. I'm talking about the fact that too many of you seem willing to leap to the Magic Pill solution instead of examining your lives and what the underlying cause might be. Most impotence is caused by psychological factors. Should I repeat that?

Most impotence is caused by psychological factors.
And let's not even get into the fact that insurers are racing to cover the thing, while women still have to pay for contraception out of our own pockets.

Oh, I'm sorry -- that's not a disease? Well, impotence won't kill you, while pregnancy can indeed do just that in a bad situation. Besides, we all know deep in our bones what this is about, why Viagra is covered and the pill isn't.

Viagra helps men have better sex. That's good. Birth control pills, by removing the Sword of Damocles of possible unwanted pregnancy from over women's heads, helps women have more and better sex.

And that's baaaaaaaad.

Best that men can wander around screwing all they want, while women are stuck cringing and unable to enjoy ourselves for fear of pregnancy. This is about sex and enjoyment -- our society thinks it's the most important thing in the universe that men enjoy sex.

And that women don't.


You know, the hair pill.

You know what this is making me think of?

Let's see, we're talking about a guy in his 40's probably, maybe 30's, taking a pill that has some serious side effects and could cause his wife to have a kid with awful birth defects if she touches the damned pill -- just so his body conforms to society's stereotype of a man.

Well, it's his self-esteem, I hear you all cry.

What then do you say to a 16 year old boy who pounds steroids and abuses weight gain drugs to look like Arnold Schwartzenegger?

"I just don't understand why kids today are abusing their bodies! This stuff may make you look good, but how important is that, really? And there are such terrible side effects!"

Said by the kid's parents -- one of whom is taking a diet pill that could malnourish her to look good, and one of whom is taking a pill that could have alllll sorts of lovely side effects to look good.

If kids are doing this, it's because their parents are doing it. When grown men take pills that could induce birth defects in their next child just to get some hair, and we all hail it like a miracle drug, we have no business complaining when our kids do exactly.




Copyright © 2000 by Janis Cortese

02/08/07 at 21:41