Well, it's happened. Someone's finally asked whether or not we might not get a Viagra for women. Does this make anyone else's ears pop?
At http://www.nytimes.com/specials/women/nyt98/21kola.html you'll find an article that goes over the basics of some of the problems with this question -- not in the least is the complete lack of misunderstanding of just what sexual 'problem' the researchers are looking to cure women of. Personally, when a man says, 'Why can't there be a Viagra for women?' I remain comvinced that what he's really asking is, 'Can't you give my wife a pill to make her want sex when I do?'
'Can't you give my wife a pill to make her quit nagging me about those porno movies I watch?'
'Can't you give my wife a pill to make her stop whining about how I never talk or cuddle after sex, for Christ's sake? What does cuddling have to do with sex, anyway?'
A guy argues with his wife, tells her that she can't or shouldn't go back to school, that her job doesn't matter as much as his, or that he can't be expected to help pay for birth control. Then, he wonders why she doesn't want sex with him -- and thinks, 'There oughta be a pill for this sort of thing . . . ' A pill to make women behave like we're supposed to behave. A pill to make a woman want to be exactly what men want us to be. After all, isn't that what sex is for women anyhow? Women forking over something that we have and men want?
Even if the guy is a nice guy who only wants for his wife to enjoy herself, it doesn't mean everything is peachy. The woman goes to work and still makes less than most of the guys, is surrounded by a culture that is bound and determined to stamp her sex drive out of her, and is ruled by a government in which she has a 9% representation -- and that is supposed to just all go away when she hits the sheets? Come on! The world is anything but supportive of women, and that all just evaporates when the bedroom door closes, and we just go from besieged, ignored, and overworked to some bouncy enthusiastic Marilyn Chambers clone? When do the guys turn into Harrison Ford -- that's what we'd like to know.
Or are we talking about the 'problem' of not wanting it after an argument? The 'problem' of being sick and tired of being abandoned in the bed after sex because the guy won't hold you when you're through? The 'problem' of never ever seeing your sex drive in any of the popular media -- check out Salon Magazine for an infuriating article about a movie, 'Coming Soon,' about the adolescent female sex drive that was all but banned by the MPAA at exactly the same time the pastry-fucking 'American Pie' was celebrated as some fabulous piece of work.
A fabulous piece of work about boys. Everyone knows that adolescent girls don't have a sex drive -- or if they do, they'd better not because they can get maimed, murdered, raped, or a bad reputation out of it! Best that we keep young girls and women ignorant and dissatisfied with sex because IF YOU AREN'T THEN YOU'LL DIE.
Then, after a lifetime of this amateur aversion therapy, people act mystified at why those now grown up women continue to approach sex with a vague sense of apocalyptic dread.
Why aren't women interested in sex? Let's see . . .
Every societal pressure in the universe crushes sex out of women. We're not supposed to have it or want it -- or according to the standard way of thinking, we have it and guys want it so we have to dole it out, and have no appetite for it ourselves. If we don't, it's not because we aren't enjoying ourselves -- what does our enjoyment have to do with sex, anyhow? It's because we're perversely and meanly hoarding Sex (which we have) away from the guys (who want it), just to be spiteful. It doesn't mean we're unhappy or unfulfilled -- it means we're vengeful bitches deserving of hatred and resentment.
But if we do want it, we're sick, strange, sluts, and deserve what's coming to us. We live in a society where a woman opening her legs for a man can be and often is interpreted as, 'Bash my head against a car hood and give me syphilis, then split my lip and leave my dead body by the side of the road.'
'Well, she went up to his room/got into his car/went out on a date with him/had him buy her a drink? What did she think was going to happen?'
She thought they'd have sex, not that she'd get the shit beaten out of her. And if you never thought of this before, Mr. Reader, then you'd better face up to the fact that, on some deep level in your mind, you are equating the two -- and the fact that the women in your life are probably subconsciously aware that you're equating them might be what's making them less than enthused about being with you.
Or are you reading this and thinking, 'Oh, this is all such utter bullshit! Everything's fine for women! What are they complaining about! This is just totally fucking stupid!' Thanks for embodying the very attitude I'm talking about -- thanks for tuning out any and all conversation about why women don't want sex. Thanks for refusing to give a damn. Just don't act surprised and befuddled when you still don't get laid again this weekend. And don't act like you give a tinker's damn about solving this problem the next time the subject comes up of inventing some pill to make all the women in your life just stop making noise and give you sex.
It's not better on the pro-'sex' end of things, either. If you're on the sex-positive side of the fence, a 'liberated' sex drive for women translates as a sex drive that perfectly coincides with what men want. Jiggle and giggle, girlie -- and don't expect the men to do the same for you. Isn't that how a woman gets sexually fulfilled -- by being exactly what the men want her to be, and having no wants of her own? You don't like 'Penthouse?' Whatsamatta, baby -- you don't like sex?
Movies abound (ooh, there's that Salon article again) about how adolescent boys want Hot Sex and Wanna Get Laid/Get Some. We're surrounded by entire TV serieses that revolve around nothing but some young punk's first wet dream and how earthshaking it is, and then ONE WOMAN FILMMAKER tries to make a movie about girls, and the MPAA CENSORS it, in effect. One small group of people get to decide that an entire culture does not see something. 'We will not allow this culture to move forward. We chain you to the past.' Chain women, let's be honest here. And how many of you readers really disagree with it?
And then, the entire nation asks itself, 'But, gosh wollickers, why don't women like sex? It's just such a mystery!!!!! I can't possibly comprehend what Women's Problem Could Be!!!!'
Then, after a LIFETIME OF THIS BULLSHIT CRAMMED DOWN OUR THROATS UNTIL WE WANT TO VOMIT, what's the ultimate verdict?
'Gosh, I guess women just don't like sex as much as men do. Must be testosterone.'
Get real, buddy. It's real easy to feel horny when your sex drive is lauded and celebrated all over the place as just the most wonderful thing in the universe -- or at least is acknowledged as existing. And frankly, you don't want your wife to enjoy sex. You want nothing more than for her to be magically horny (only) when you are -- because if she enjoys it on her own, maybe she might want it with somebody else, ain't that right? You want your wife to enjoy sex just enough to not sigh and look resigned when you try to badger her into it -- but no more than that!
It's very easy to feel horny in a world where you own 91% of the government and 100% of the chief executive's office, when almost all the Fortune 500 companies are headed and owned by men.
You have all the culture, all the fun, all the money, and all the power. Yeah, it's way easy to get randy in that sort of situation! I bet if the situation were switched and women owned and operated damned close to 100% of the government, made all the laws, had all the money, and saw shitloads of pliant femmey guys all over the place (when you couldn't even make one stinking movie about your wants and desires), in a world where the male sex drive were molded into whatever women wanted -- you hate foreplay and can't do it for 45 minutes until she climaxes? Whatsamatta, don't you like sex? -- our sexual appetites would blow yours out of the water, too.
It takes security in one's situation to enjoy or even really want sex. If you have all the money and all the power -- you can afford to want sex. And if we had it, we'd want it, too.
Viagra for women? Don't do me any favors -- hand me the entire US Senate on a plate and pay me 30% more than every man in the office. Oh, and fill up the airwaves with sitcoms, movies, and TV dramas chock full of half naked men shimmying around. Make all cop dramas revolve around women cops, and be sure that each of their investigations requires that they visit a male strip joint. Put out a copy of SI's swimsuit issue with 50 great looking young guys, and maybe one or two women. Advertise Johnny Craig's Weight Loss Centers For Men, so that unattractive fat men can make themselves more beautiful to our eyes. I like thin men, so all of you out there stop eating or vomit up your dinners. Show me rock concerts with 50 year old women cavorting with men half their age. That'd make me pretty damned randy, I can tell you that right now. Power is an aphrodisiac -- not his. Mine.
Until then, I'll quote Suck Magazine at you -- that handing out pills that increase the sex drive to women nowdays would be like handing out appetite stimulants to the Donner party.
All Replies to the News
02/08/07 at 21:43